Monday, Monday
Went in for more blood work this morning and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it comes back great. Woke up this morning with a horrible headache which is usually not a good sign for me, however, I am trying to contribute it to the weather or anything else I can think of. What a great and wonderful weekend!!!
Be Optimistic.....
...don't you be a grumpy, when the road gets bumpy, just smile and be happy:) Got my blood results and I am indeed pregnant!!! I am trying so very hard to be positive and just know that this little bun can stick. I requested another blood test for Monday just to make sure that my levels are going up appropriately...which they will, they will, they will!!!! My u/s is set for Tues, October 21st at noon so I am just praying that we will get to see that little black hole that everyone gets so excited about!!! I hate that I feel like I have been so tainted by infertility...this is the time when I should be happy and excited for what is to come and all I can do is be scared to death for bad news....it is so hard to deprogram yourself!!!
HAPPY THOUGHTS....HAPPY THOUGHTS.....HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Testing...Testing...123
Well, the day has arrived for my beta #2 (blood work). They should be calling me this afternoon to tell me the news. My stomach is in knots and I am pretty useless here at work today. Usually, by this time I knew what the results from my first blood test were, but this time I did not want to know....I want the whole picture not just half of it. I am thinking positive, but this just seems all too familiar for me, it is so hard not to think back to the other phone calls where they said "congratulations" only to be followed by some pretty lame numbers. People who might not know what I have already been through might have been optimistic, but I had been there too many times to start jumping up and down....sounds pretty negative, I know, but it is like an automatic self protection system that I have no control over. I stick to my theory that I think it would be much easier to get a "no" than a "maybe" only to be followed by waiting, more waiting and more "maybes". It is like a rollercoaster, and I like rollercoasters, but this one is no fun. When you finally get off you are like, "I waited in that long ass line for this!?!?!".
It is crazy how you can be so strong for so long and then one day can break you entirely. You go from happy to sad to scared in the blink of an eye. The one thing that Dave always says is "it is what it is" simple, but so very true. Boy, I sound like Debbie downer today!!! It is always tradition that Dave and I go to dinner after the results of any of our treatment, whether it be good or bad news (I eat a little more at the sad ones) and I hoping that tonight will be a happy dinner.
So for now I am thinking HAPPY thoughts and inhaling all the positive energy I can....breathe in...ahh...breathe out...ha, Shannon, I know you know what song that is;)
Tick Tock...
Back at work today and trying to catch up on what I missed, at least it will keep my mind occupied!!! Last night my butt shot did not go over too well. It was fine going in and then coming out....AHHH!!! I feel like I got kicked in the hip today....tis the price I pay. Beta's are Tues and Thurs, however, I will not know anything until Thurs. Thinking positive thoughts while trying to shove the realist in my head back into the dark corners of my mind....there are already a few things there so I do not know if there will be room...J/K:):):) At this point there is nothing physically within my power so I will just continue to wait and think happy thoughts:)
Stick Babies, Stick!!!
Good morning, this is my third official sit on my ass day and I am getting bored!!! I think I will venture out today and enjoy the weather. Transfer went great, all three made it through the thaw (1 Grade 1, 2 Grade 2's) so I am just hoping that at least one decides to stay around for a while (9 months preferably). Will not know anything for about a week...until then I will try not to over analyze every little thing.
