Three Men & Me

I am officially 7 weeks today!!! Nothing unusual, maybe a little bit of nauseousness here and there, but nothing crazy. Here is some info from a pregnancy website [The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry]. Awww, my baby has a tail:)

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Today I am 6 weeks 5 days. I am going to pop at any given moment!!! We had a retirement party for my boss and I think I might have eaten a little too much!!! I just had the realization that I can not allow myself to gorge at every given chance. It is recommended that you up your calorie intake by 300, that is nothing, that is a candy bar or an extra slice of pizza, not an excuse for me to get thirds!! I do not want to gain 20 lbs in the first month:):)

My next appointment is not until Saturday, November 8th....talk about an eternity of waiting....I thought a week was bad. This time I will be meeting with my new OB to discuss things....I guess I will get a real due date instead of this tentative one of June 19th. So until then I will continue to keep myself occupied and not over think every little thing....as if that is really possible!!!

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6 weeks 1 day. Black hole is the gestational sac, round circle is the yolk sac and the blur is the embryo!!!

What an absolutely amazing weekend!!! We went in for our 6 week ultrasound and we saw our tiny little bun and we saw and heard the heartbeat of 115 beats per minute . It was pretty amazing!! I definately could not hold back the tears on that one. It was hard to tell Dr A and the staff goodbye...I am graduating on to a regular OB. Dr A said that he sees no reason as to why I should be considered high risk and that everything was measuring exactly where it should be. I am starting to feel like I can accept being pregnant!! However, I will feel much better after I am through the first trimester which will be Friday, December 5th.

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TGIF!!! I thought that this day would never get here!! Today I am officially 6 weeks pregnant!! I am so nervous/excited for tomorrow morning....I am thinking HAPPY THOUGHTS about seeing our little bun's heartbeat!!! Tomorrow at this time we will be on cloud 9!!

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Still here....waiting:) Oh Saturday when will you arrive!!!

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...until we see our bun again, but who's really counting?? I am trudging through this week...could it go any slower? Had my IVIG yesterday and all went well....keep on sticking little sticky bun:) It is crazy to think that this tiniest little embryo already has a heart and that the little chambers are starting to divide. I am officially 5 weeks 5 days today so more than likely that tiny little heart has already started beating.....crazy right!!!! Also, the babies limb buds are noticeable now. The anticipation is killing me!!!! Warm snugly vibes to you little bun:)

P.S. My boobs are still sore....Woo Hoo!!!!

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This is going to be a VERY long week!!! My next u/s is not until Saturday morning at 10:45, I know that is really not that far away, but I will just feel so much better after seeing a fetal pole and heartbeat....keep growing little bun!!!! Had my first bad shot Fri night....it didn't hurt, but when Dave took the needle out [of my ass] there was blood everywhere!!! I bled through a band-aid in like 3 seconds. Somehow, Dave managed to keep his cool and clean it up and get the job done....no passing out!!! That is a plus:) He did need a little break before giving me my second shot, but I am still very impressed.

I go tomorrow for my second IVIG treatment and until my next u/s I will keep pushing on my boobs to make sure that they are still sore....OUCH....yep, still sore:)

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Dr appt with Dr A today....and might I say that he had me a little freaked out....as if I wasn't already freaking myself out. So there I am in the office....bare assed on the table with nothing but a giant Kleenex shielding my nether regions and trying to keep my cool (the draft from the gap in the back of my paper skirt helped). Dr A mentioned something about my beta numbers being a little weird and my stomach dropped....wishing I hadn't eaten First Watch for breakfast at that point. Then he says at 5 weeks we should have an idea of what is going on regardless of the numbers....he is looking for three things:

a) a pregnancy in the uterus
b) a pregnancy in the tubes (ectopic)
c) an abnormal pregnancy

So I realize that if this were a multiple choice quiz (a) would be the only acceptable answer. He puts in the u/s wand and a black hole is clearly visible on the screen....I see it, I see the black hole!!! Dr A then says, "yes there is a pregnancy in the uterus" and after zooming in mentions that it is a very nice one....I will take that as a compliment:) He then also points out the yolk sac....woo hoo....I would have been happy with a black hole, but the yolk sac was just icing on the cake!!!




5 weeks is still very very early, however, Dave and I have never seen a gestational sac or a yolk sac, so we are moving forward....Tally Ho!!!! I go back next Sat for another u/s and by then I will be 6 weeks 1 day and should be able to see the tiniest little embryo and there should be a heartbeat.....I can not even imagine.

The weird thing is that anyone that knows me knows that I am the biggest cry baby ever....I cry over everything and anything, but no tears here. I do not know if it is disbelief of if maybe that wall I have built up is a little thicker than I thought, but no tears....just happiness!!!!

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That is kinda how I feel today.....it is nice for a change:) So, I still have the low pressure, however, I think it could be either from my horrible constipation (know you loved reading that) or just a normal thing that happens in pregnancy???? This morning I did not feel anything and I freaked so I am embracing this low pressure.....whatever it is. My u/s got moved to tomorrow and I am excited and nervous at the same time. Part of me worries that it is too soon, but then I need to remember that I just have to leave things in the Dr's hands....he knows what he is doing.....right?? Anyone....a little reassurance over here:) Tomorrow I am hoping I can post an u/s pic.....even if it is just a black hole....black holes are way cool.

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Got my beta for today....306, so more than doubled~not by much, but a double is a double so I am still smiling:) The nurse left me a message and said everything looked good and to let her know if I wanted to get another beta Fri....I mean, I was going to try and hold off and wait until the u/s Tues, but you can't throw that out there and expect me not to bite!!! So, I guess I will be going back Fri....that will give me some piece of mind for the weekend:) I am having a lot of low pressure and twinges and aches today.....I realize that is perfectly normal, but there is always something for me to worry about now isn't there:)

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Here is my butt shot schedule for this week....watch out rump!!!!

Mon ~ progesterone butt shot
Tues ~ E2V butt shot
Wed ~ progesterone butt shot
Thurs ~ E2V butt shot
Fri ~ progesterone butt shot

Aye Yi Yi.....my poor little tush:):) Did I say little???

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Beta today was 143 so more than doubled....I requested that I have more blood work done Wed since I have this horrible headache. Just going to keep thinking positive doubling thoughts!!!

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Went in for more blood work this morning and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it comes back great. Woke up this morning with a horrible headache which is usually not a good sign for me, however, I am trying to contribute it to the weather or anything else I can think of. What a great and wonderful weekend!!!

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Goodbye Negative Nancy......HELLLLOOOOO Positive Peggy:):):)

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...don't you be a grumpy, when the road gets bumpy, just smile and be happy:) Got my blood results and I am indeed pregnant!!! I am trying so very hard to be positive and just know that this little bun can stick. I requested another blood test for Monday just to make sure that my levels are going up appropriately...which they will, they will, they will!!!! My u/s is set for Tues, October 21st at noon so I am just praying that we will get to see that little black hole that everyone gets so excited about!!! I hate that I feel like I have been so tainted by infertility...this is the time when I should be happy and excited for what is to come and all I can do is be scared to death for bad news....it is so hard to deprogram yourself!!!

HAPPY THOUGHTS....HAPPY THOUGHTS.....HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Well, the day has arrived for my beta #2 (blood work). They should be calling me this afternoon to tell me the news. My stomach is in knots and I am pretty useless here at work today. Usually, by this time I knew what the results from my first blood test were, but this time I did not want to know....I want the whole picture not just half of it. I am thinking positive, but this just seems all too familiar for me, it is so hard not to think back to the other phone calls where they said "congratulations" only to be followed by some pretty lame numbers. People who might not know what I have already been through might have been optimistic, but I had been there too many times to start jumping up and down....sounds pretty negative, I know, but it is like an automatic self protection system that I have no control over. I stick to my theory that I think it would be much easier to get a "no" than a "maybe" only to be followed by waiting, more waiting and more "maybes". It is like a rollercoaster, and I like rollercoasters, but this one is no fun. When you finally get off you are like, "I waited in that long ass line for this!?!?!".

It is crazy how you can be so strong for so long and then one day can break you entirely. You go from happy to sad to scared in the blink of an eye. The one thing that Dave always says is "it is what it is" simple, but so very true. Boy, I sound like Debbie downer today!!! It is always tradition that Dave and I go to dinner after the results of any of our treatment, whether it be good or bad news (I eat a little more at the sad ones) and I hoping that tonight will be a happy dinner.

So for now I am thinking HAPPY thoughts and inhaling all the positive energy I can....breathe in...ahh...breathe out...ha, Shannon, I know you know what song that is;)

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Back at work today and trying to catch up on what I missed, at least it will keep my mind occupied!!! Last night my butt shot did not go over too well. It was fine going in and then coming out....AHHH!!! I feel like I got kicked in the hip today....tis the price I pay. Beta's are Tues and Thurs, however, I will not know anything until Thurs. Thinking positive thoughts while trying to shove the realist in my head back into the dark corners of my mind....there are already a few things there so I do not know if there will be room...J/K:):):) At this point there is nothing physically within my power so I will just continue to wait and think happy thoughts:)

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Good morning, this is my third official sit on my ass day and I am getting bored!!! I think I will venture out today and enjoy the weather. Transfer went great, all three made it through the thaw (1 Grade 1, 2 Grade 2's) so I am just hoping that at least one decides to stay around for a while (9 months preferably). Will not know anything for about a week...until then I will try not to over analyze every little thing.

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