Three Men & Me

Well, the day has arrived for my beta #2 (blood work). They should be calling me this afternoon to tell me the news. My stomach is in knots and I am pretty useless here at work today. Usually, by this time I knew what the results from my first blood test were, but this time I did not want to know....I want the whole picture not just half of it. I am thinking positive, but this just seems all too familiar for me, it is so hard not to think back to the other phone calls where they said "congratulations" only to be followed by some pretty lame numbers. People who might not know what I have already been through might have been optimistic, but I had been there too many times to start jumping up and down....sounds pretty negative, I know, but it is like an automatic self protection system that I have no control over. I stick to my theory that I think it would be much easier to get a "no" than a "maybe" only to be followed by waiting, more waiting and more "maybes". It is like a rollercoaster, and I like rollercoasters, but this one is no fun. When you finally get off you are like, "I waited in that long ass line for this!?!?!".

It is crazy how you can be so strong for so long and then one day can break you entirely. You go from happy to sad to scared in the blink of an eye. The one thing that Dave always says is "it is what it is" simple, but so very true. Boy, I sound like Debbie downer today!!! It is always tradition that Dave and I go to dinner after the results of any of our treatment, whether it be good or bad news (I eat a little more at the sad ones) and I hoping that tonight will be a happy dinner.

So for now I am thinking HAPPY thoughts and inhaling all the positive energy I can....breathe in...ahh...breathe out...ha, Shannon, I know you know what song that is;)

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