15 WEEKS TODAY!!! I can not believe that Christmas 2008 is coming to an end. How quickly the time goes. Next year at this time it will not just be Dave and I, we will have a little baby to tote around from house to house. We have had a decade of Christmases just the two of us and we are ready for the addition!!!
That is who I feel like. Guess what...I am in my second trimester....this is getting ridiculous:) I promise I will not renege on this one!! I am 14 weeks today:) Baby is now about the size of a lemon.
It is true, I am an impostor!!! I have been walking around and pretending to be in my second trimester, but the Dr appt yesterday confirmed the truth....I am still in my 1st!! 14 weeks is the start. I blame this mistake on my ignorance and eagerness to claim the next step:):) So tomorrow, yes tomorrow, will be the third time that I have claimed to be in my second trimester, only this time it will be true;) As a third time 2nd trimesteree, I am sure it will be a smooth transition:)
Dr appt went great yesterday. It was my first time taking my first morning urine in. After carrying around a "full" sample cup all day long, she dipped in a tiny test strip, waited a second, said it looked normal and threw it all away. What a waste. Next time I will take a much smaller sample!! We got to hear the heartbeat beating away which is always nice. The Dr also mentioned that he could tell I was feeling better, was he some kind of mentalist I wondered, No, he could tell by the fact that I had gained some weight. We all have our ways and his proved to be pretty accurate I guess. So the next time I notice someone has packed on a few pounds I will just assume that they are feeling better;)
January 6th is still the date that will give my shopping a green light!!! I always thought I would be super cautious and not want to buy anything until closer to the end, but I am not so sure that is going to be the reality of things.
Got both sets of test results back today and the good news is that we tested negative for the first trimester screening....whew....big sigh of relief. Of course this does not mean that we are out of the woods, but it definitely makes us feel better. Much better!! My natural killer levels are still just barely elevated by .5 so I will be getting another infusion, but a different much shorter one since the doctor is not too concerned:)
We have our 14 week ultrasound tomorrow at 5:15, but nothing exciting....just your run of the mill stuff. I am so excited to step on the scale and see how this holiday cheer has been adding up:):):) It is all worth it....every lb!
It's official, I am in my second trimester!!! Some references will say that the 2nd trimester doesn't start until 14, but I have seen many who say 13 qualifies so I am sticking with them!! Once we get the blood work back from earlier in the week (and see that it is all good) I will be able to put my mind at even more ease. This is starting to sink in a little bit. I think that once we find out the sex it will be even more real for us b/c we can start looking at bedding and names and using a "he" or "she" instead of "it":):)
Due to my 4 previous miscarriages we had our 1st trimester screening yesterday. The screening looks at a series of ultrasounds and blood tests to determine if your baby is at a higher risk of having Down Syndrome, Trisomony 13, Trisomony 18, and other genetic/chromosomal abnormalities....fun right. It was so nice to see the baby in there moving around with a heart rate of 164 bpm. I was 12 weeks 5 days yesterday and the baby was measuring at 13 weeks 1 day so we have a grower in there:) We will not know the official results of the test until we get the blood work back which will not be until Mon or Tues. We go back to the perinatal January 6th and I will almost be 17 weeks along. The tech said that we will most likely find out the sex then!!!! Here are some of the pics of our little bun from yesterday.
Baby from front view...I don't know that I would use the word "adorable" with this one:):)
Full body profile....now this one is adorable:)
Side profile view with baby's hand by it's face....looks like it is scratching it's chin in deep thought.
My favorite....it looks like baby is sucking it's thumb...or maybe picking it's nose:):)
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. -Jack Handey
I am 12 weeks today and I am slightly dissapointed that I still have another week before I am in my 2nd trimester....I really thought that was today...oh well:) Look how big my uterus must be getting....and the baby!!!!
Okay, so I know I have been slacking, but there is really nothing to talk about. I am in a lull. I have no fun appointments, no ultrasounds...nadda!! The only thing I do have is this extra padding in my midsection. I am all about getting a baby belly, but this in between stuff is for the birds....I got muffin top out of this world!!! I spend most of my time at work sitting here with my pants undone:) Thank God long shirts are in, I would be in some big trouble if crops were the thing...who am I kidding, if I wore a crop right now I would look like Joe Dirt with a beer belly hanging out...the only thing missing would be the mullett.
Tomorrow I will be 12 weeks, but I jumped the gun thinking I would be out of my first trimester. Officially, I will not be in my 2nd trimester until I finish the 12 weeks....so one more week.
My next chance to see bun-bun will not be until the week of January 12th when we should be able to find out if bun-bun is a "breadstick" or "dinner roll":) Then the fun can begin. As of now, this still seems surreal, but once we know the sex we can start looking at bedding and furniture and cute little baby clothes...awwww!!!
I am so excited for Thanksgiving, I can not believe that it is only two days away!! I can not believe that December will be here in less than a week....I am so close to finishing this first trimester!!!
Here is the latest picture of our little bun at 10 weeks:) You can make out the facial structure, though it looks a bit scary....like a little alien:)
We are in our tenth week...which means that we have completed 1/4 of this pregnancy....only 30 weeks to go:) By the end of this week our bun will graduate out of the embryonic period and into the fetal period:)
I have to admit that my pants are getting a little snug...I guess that just gives me an excuse to go shopping:)
Off to Chicago this afternoon!!
We had our 10 week u/s this afternoon. Everything is measuring right where it should be. We got to do a jelly on the belly ultrasound today (less intimidating than "THE WAND") and I have to say that I am a little disappointed with the quality of the pictures:( The vaginal ultrasound's are so clear and the belly ones are so blurry....boo.
I guess I shouldn't complain because after all, I got to see our little bun!! It's heartrate was beating away at 171 bpm and most exciting, we got to see it's arms and legs move. It kept lifting it's one arm up and down and the tech said it was waving at us, however, it looked more to me like it might have been rapping in utero...that's right, we have a rapping bun!!! I do feel somewhat sorry for it b/c it is going to be extremely hard to find a word that rhymes with uterus:)
On a more serious note, the tech did see a very small subchorionic hematoma...also known as a blood clot in the uterus. She did not seem concerned and when we spoke with the doctor he seemed to think that it was small and not concerning. He stated that most likely it will bleed itself out or it will be absorbed....I am hoping for the latter. He mentioned that if it bleeds itself out there could be some spotting...if this happens at least I will be prepared, but I am sure I would still freak out.
I do not have another ultrasound until 18 weeks and at that point we can find out the sex of our little bun!! WOO HOO!!! 8 weeks....seriously, let me see what I can do about that:):)
I will try to post the most recent pics later, they are not the best.
I am so excited and giddy....my appt is not until 3:30, I wish I would have made it for like 9 am!!! Oh well, only ONE more day!!!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow....your only a DAYYYYYY...AAAAAAA....WAYYYYY!!!!
Thank you, thank you, no applause please!!!
It is on the left hand side of this page above Harry's precious picture:) I placed my vote for a girl.
Another Monday already! I can not believe that next week is Thanksgiving week...unbelievable. There are only a little over 6 weeks left in this year. I guess time flies when you are having fun:)
We have another ultrasound this Thursday so I am anxiously awaiting seeing our little bun again. It should be moving all around by this time so that will be super cool to see. Only three more days!!!
I am definately feeling bloated today. I am a garbage disposal. Eating is the only thing that makes my nauseaousness feel better. Unfortunately, my sweet tooth is still alive and well....I think I could live on ice cream. Nothing ever sounds good....except for pizza....I love me some pizza. The other night I was craving White Castle's little chicken sandwiches....how gross is that....I usually do not like Whities unless it is 3 in the morning and I am under the influence:)
Hopes and dreams
Planning for the future
Possibility excites
Barren and broken
Looking for answers
Reassurance not in sight
Struggles and determination
Living for the moment
Learning who you are
Cautious and optimistic
Waiting for tomorrow
Have we made it after coming so far
Hopes and dreams
Planning for the future
Possibility excites!!!
9 weeks today:) This has been the longest week ever. I got a call from one of the nurses at Dr A's office Tuesday and my most recent blood work came back showing that my NK levels are still elevated. I pushed my way in for an infusion Wednesday...I am getting really good at being demanding and pushy:) Further proof of that is that I got an appointment for another u/s on Thurs the 20th....woo hoo, looks like I don't need you Tom Cruise!!! Of course the nurse acts like I have no idea what I am talking about. They just assume that everyone has the same cookie cutter pregnancy and they have no idea what your background is, nor do they act like they care....very frustrating!! I would have to say that I am not every pregnancy...while we might not be labeled "high risk" we have still been through enough to make us look at things a little differently. My whole hearted trust in doctors has been replaced with the sense that I am my best advocate and therefore I have to remain proactive with my care.
I am still feeling good....I still have the daily nauseau, however, I am just learning to deal with it. It gives me that reassurance that things are still moving along....when I am not nauseous I get a little worried, but am put at ease when the urge to blow chunks comes back....isn't life great!!!:)
Only 6 more days until we get to see our little bun again!!!
We had our ultrasound this weekend and it was AMAZING!!! In two short weeks our little bun went from a blob to a little teddy bear!!! It's tiny little heart was beating away at 178 bpm. The u/s tech and the nurses are great and Dr S is just as I remember him, I am so glad that we decided to go with him. It definately felt more official after this visit. We were given the goody bag with all the pamphlets and prenatal samples....I think Dave was more excited about all of it than I was!!!
They gave me a REAL due date of June 18th. My next appointment is not until December the 3rd, I will be a day or two away from my second trimester. Quite honestly, I do not know if I can make it that long without seeing our little bun again. I am wondering if there is some type of ultrasound clinic for crazy, overanalyzing mother to be's??? Maybe I could just quietly sneak into the hospital and make myself at home in the ultrasound room....that is not a crime....right?!?! Where is Tom Cruise when I need him....maybe him and Katie could donate their ultrasound machine to me??? I will write his fan club today and ask!!!
We are 8 weeks today!!! WOO HOO!!! Same things going on, nausea and sore boobs, but that is about it. The nausea goes away when I eat so I have been trying to snack throughout the day which has proven pretty easy for me:) I really can't complain, this has been very eventless and I would like it to stay that way. Our first OB appt is tomorrow and I am very excited to talk to the nurses and the Doctor...I hope I love them!! I was telling Dave that it is weird that this man will be the one pulling our child into this world....that gives me goosebumps just thinking about it!!! More importantly, I am super excited to see our little bun and to hear the beautiful sound of the heartbeat.
"Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways."
ELECTION DAY!!! Dave and I were at the polls at 5:30 and I was very surprised as to how many people were there. My vote has been placed....now we wait!! Will we know tonight??? What ever happened to the elections where you would stay up late waiting for the winner. Nowadays it seems like there is always some problem and we don't find out until later in the week. With all this new voting technology isn't it supposed to get easier???
It is weird to think that who I vote for and who wins this election will impact the life of my unborn child. I want my child to have the same opportunities as everyone else. I want them to grow up in a country that they can be proud of and realize that we are ALL Americans....no one is better than anyone else!!!! We all count....and so do your votes!!!! GET OUT THERE AND VOTE!!!!!! Our children's future depends on it!!!
Looks like the all day nausea started kicking in this weekend. At first I thought it just might be due to the sinus headaches, however, today I have no headache and the nausea is present. It is not the horrible, watery mouth nausea, but it is still no fun. Nothing really sounds that good to eat, but that doesn't stop me from finding something to eat....oh no, I will not go hungry!!! Today I am craving a huge Rizzo's salad....Mmmmmm, that sounds scrumpdilly!!! I know that might sound healthy....a salad, but not the Rizzo's salad....when it is covered in dressing and cheese it tends to lose its nutritional value....it still sounds good and I need the calcium:)
I am officially 7 weeks today!!! Nothing unusual, maybe a little bit of nauseousness here and there, but nothing crazy. Here is some info from a pregnancy website [The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry]. Awww, my baby has a tail:)
Today I am 6 weeks 5 days. I am going to pop at any given moment!!! We had a retirement party for my boss and I think I might have eaten a little too much!!! I just had the realization that I can not allow myself to gorge at every given chance. It is recommended that you up your calorie intake by 300, that is nothing, that is a candy bar or an extra slice of pizza, not an excuse for me to get thirds!! I do not want to gain 20 lbs in the first month:):)
My next appointment is not until Saturday, November 8th....talk about an eternity of waiting....I thought a week was bad. This time I will be meeting with my new OB to discuss things....I guess I will get a real due date instead of this tentative one of June 19th. So until then I will continue to keep myself occupied and not over think every little thing....as if that is really possible!!!
6 weeks 1 day. Black hole is the gestational sac, round circle is the yolk sac and the blur is the embryo!!!
What an absolutely amazing weekend!!! We went in for our 6 week ultrasound and we saw our tiny little bun and we saw and heard the heartbeat of 115 beats per minute . It was pretty amazing!! I definately could not hold back the tears on that one. It was hard to tell Dr A and the staff goodbye...I am graduating on to a regular OB. Dr A said that he sees no reason as to why I should be considered high risk and that everything was measuring exactly where it should be. I am starting to feel like I can accept being pregnant!! However, I will feel much better after I am through the first trimester which will be Friday, December 5th.
TGIF!!! I thought that this day would never get here!! Today I am officially 6 weeks pregnant!! I am so nervous/excited for tomorrow morning....I am thinking HAPPY THOUGHTS about seeing our little bun's heartbeat!!! Tomorrow at this time we will be on cloud 9!!
...until we see our bun again, but who's really counting?? I am trudging through this week...could it go any slower? Had my IVIG yesterday and all went well....keep on sticking little sticky bun:) It is crazy to think that this tiniest little embryo already has a heart and that the little chambers are starting to divide. I am officially 5 weeks 5 days today so more than likely that tiny little heart has already started beating.....crazy right!!!! Also, the babies limb buds are noticeable now. The anticipation is killing me!!!! Warm snugly vibes to you little bun:)
P.S. My boobs are still sore....Woo Hoo!!!!
This is going to be a VERY long week!!! My next u/s is not until Saturday morning at 10:45, I know that is really not that far away, but I will just feel so much better after seeing a fetal pole and heartbeat....keep growing little bun!!!! Had my first bad shot Fri night....it didn't hurt, but when Dave took the needle out [of my ass] there was blood everywhere!!! I bled through a band-aid in like 3 seconds. Somehow, Dave managed to keep his cool and clean it up and get the job done....no passing out!!! That is a plus:) He did need a little break before giving me my second shot, but I am still very impressed.
I go tomorrow for my second IVIG treatment and until my next u/s I will keep pushing on my boobs to make sure that they are still sore....OUCH....yep, still sore:)
Dr appt with Dr A today....and might I say that he had me a little freaked out....as if I wasn't already freaking myself out. So there I am in the office....bare assed on the table with nothing but a giant Kleenex shielding my nether regions and trying to keep my cool (the draft from the gap in the back of my paper skirt helped). Dr A mentioned something about my beta numbers being a little weird and my stomach dropped....wishing I hadn't eaten First Watch for breakfast at that point. Then he says at 5 weeks we should have an idea of what is going on regardless of the numbers....he is looking for three things:
a) a pregnancy in the uterus
b) a pregnancy in the tubes (ectopic)
c) an abnormal pregnancy
So I realize that if this were a multiple choice quiz (a) would be the only acceptable answer. He puts in the u/s wand and a black hole is clearly visible on the screen....I see it, I see the black hole!!! Dr A then says, "yes there is a pregnancy in the uterus" and after zooming in mentions that it is a very nice one....I will take that as a compliment:) He then also points out the yolk sac....woo hoo....I would have been happy with a black hole, but the yolk sac was just icing on the cake!!!
5 weeks is still very very early, however, Dave and I have never seen a gestational sac or a yolk sac, so we are moving forward....Tally Ho!!!! I go back next Sat for another u/s and by then I will be 6 weeks 1 day and should be able to see the tiniest little embryo and there should be a heartbeat.....I can not even imagine.
The weird thing is that anyone that knows me knows that I am the biggest cry baby ever....I cry over everything and anything, but no tears here. I do not know if it is disbelief of if maybe that wall I have built up is a little thicker than I thought, but no tears....just happiness!!!!
That is kinda how I feel today.....it is nice for a change:) So, I still have the low pressure, however, I think it could be either from my horrible constipation (know you loved reading that) or just a normal thing that happens in pregnancy???? This morning I did not feel anything and I freaked so I am embracing this low pressure.....whatever it is. My u/s got moved to tomorrow and I am excited and nervous at the same time. Part of me worries that it is too soon, but then I need to remember that I just have to leave things in the Dr's hands....he knows what he is doing.....right?? Anyone....a little reassurance over here:) Tomorrow I am hoping I can post an u/s pic.....even if it is just a black hole....black holes are way cool.
Got my beta for today....306, so more than doubled~not by much, but a double is a double so I am still smiling:) The nurse left me a message and said everything looked good and to let her know if I wanted to get another beta Fri....I mean, I was going to try and hold off and wait until the u/s Tues, but you can't throw that out there and expect me not to bite!!! So, I guess I will be going back Fri....that will give me some piece of mind for the weekend:) I am having a lot of low pressure and twinges and aches today.....I realize that is perfectly normal, but there is always something for me to worry about now isn't there:)
Here is my butt shot schedule for this week....watch out rump!!!!
Mon ~ progesterone butt shot
Tues ~ E2V butt shot
Wed ~ progesterone butt shot
Thurs ~ E2V butt shot
Fri ~ progesterone butt shot
Aye Yi Yi.....my poor little tush:):) Did I say little???
Went in for more blood work this morning and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it comes back great. Woke up this morning with a horrible headache which is usually not a good sign for me, however, I am trying to contribute it to the weather or anything else I can think of. What a great and wonderful weekend!!!
...don't you be a grumpy, when the road gets bumpy, just smile and be happy:) Got my blood results and I am indeed pregnant!!! I am trying so very hard to be positive and just know that this little bun can stick. I requested another blood test for Monday just to make sure that my levels are going up appropriately...which they will, they will, they will!!!! My u/s is set for Tues, October 21st at noon so I am just praying that we will get to see that little black hole that everyone gets so excited about!!! I hate that I feel like I have been so tainted by infertility...this is the time when I should be happy and excited for what is to come and all I can do is be scared to death for bad news....it is so hard to deprogram yourself!!!
HAPPY THOUGHTS....HAPPY THOUGHTS.....HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, the day has arrived for my beta #2 (blood work). They should be calling me this afternoon to tell me the news. My stomach is in knots and I am pretty useless here at work today. Usually, by this time I knew what the results from my first blood test were, but this time I did not want to know....I want the whole picture not just half of it. I am thinking positive, but this just seems all too familiar for me, it is so hard not to think back to the other phone calls where they said "congratulations" only to be followed by some pretty lame numbers. People who might not know what I have already been through might have been optimistic, but I had been there too many times to start jumping up and down....sounds pretty negative, I know, but it is like an automatic self protection system that I have no control over. I stick to my theory that I think it would be much easier to get a "no" than a "maybe" only to be followed by waiting, more waiting and more "maybes". It is like a rollercoaster, and I like rollercoasters, but this one is no fun. When you finally get off you are like, "I waited in that long ass line for this!?!?!".
It is crazy how you can be so strong for so long and then one day can break you entirely. You go from happy to sad to scared in the blink of an eye. The one thing that Dave always says is "it is what it is" simple, but so very true. Boy, I sound like Debbie downer today!!! It is always tradition that Dave and I go to dinner after the results of any of our treatment, whether it be good or bad news (I eat a little more at the sad ones) and I hoping that tonight will be a happy dinner.
So for now I am thinking HAPPY thoughts and inhaling all the positive energy I can....breathe in...ahh...breathe out...ha, Shannon, I know you know what song that is;)
Back at work today and trying to catch up on what I missed, at least it will keep my mind occupied!!! Last night my butt shot did not go over too well. It was fine going in and then coming out....AHHH!!! I feel like I got kicked in the hip today....tis the price I pay. Beta's are Tues and Thurs, however, I will not know anything until Thurs. Thinking positive thoughts while trying to shove the realist in my head back into the dark corners of my mind....there are already a few things there so I do not know if there will be room...J/K:):):) At this point there is nothing physically within my power so I will just continue to wait and think happy thoughts:)
Good morning, this is my third official sit on my ass day and I am getting bored!!! I think I will venture out today and enjoy the weather. Transfer went great, all three made it through the thaw (1 Grade 1, 2 Grade 2's) so I am just hoping that at least one decides to stay around for a while (9 months preferably). Will not know anything for about a week...until then I will try not to over analyze every little thing.
Ok, so a coworker of mine said she found a study that split women trying to get pregnant into two groups. One group of women had people praying for them and the other half did not. Results showed that there was a larger number of women who got pregnant from the prayer group....hmmmmm....anyone feel like praying for me?? St Gerard is the Patron Saint of Motherhood so all impregnation requests should go directly to him:)
Please refrain from breaking into song after reading the post title!!! Okay, so two days until the embies are returned to the mothership...nanu nanu. I have taken off of work Wed-Fri so I will have a nice long 5 day weekend. Sounds great, however, by day 3 I am about to pull my hair out....daytime television is horrible!!! I think that Maury Povich singlehandedly keeps the paternity testing companies in business. I am so anxious for all of this and it is going to go by so fast....too fast. I am driving myself crazy with what if's for these next two days, should I get my hair done, should I work out, should I eat certain foods while avoiding others???? Stop the insanity!!!!
Transfer is still set for Oct 1st!!! The first is a good day right...I mean my birthday is Aug 1st and Dave's Bday is Sept 1st so this falls right in line:) Everything looks perfect, my lining is an 11 and anything over 7 is good....woo hoo!!!! I asked Dr A. what he thought about my transfer and how confident he felt about the thaw. He said he believes that they should all thaw well and that we should be able to transfer all three!! I realize that he is just a Dr and therefore can not see the future (though sometimes I feel like he should for the $ we pay) so I will just take his words and hold on to them and hope he is right!!! Now tonight I get to stick myself with needles of numerous shapes and sizes all the while swallowing down a handful of pills...sounds like fun right!?!?! Poor Dave will have to give me my butt shots every other night instead of every three nights.....wait a minute, poor Dave, more like poor butt!!!
So I am anxiously waiting for my 11:30 Dr appt this afternoon. I am hoping that my lining looks absolutely perfect and that my blood work comes back where it should. It is crazy to think that we will be transferring in six (6) days if they keep everything the same......fingers crossed!!!
Okay, so this is my first post here (thanks to Jodie). I have been married for just over 5 years ~ together just over ten and we have spent almost three of those years trying to have a baby. We have been through lots of tests and blood work and disappointment, however, we have managed to remain our positive happy selves. It hasn't been easy, especially when everyone (literally) ended up pregnant and then delivered and then celebrated birthdays with their new families, but we celebrated and smiled with them (while we secretly wondered "what the #*@!").
I have to say, all in all, infertility has made us both so much stronger. As much sorrow as this journey has brought to us I would not take it back for anything!! It has defined me in ways that I am not sure many things can. I feel like I am really coming to terms with all of this, the anger and sadness that used to accompany it is slowing dissolving.....at least until the next pregnancy announcement:):):)
I can not believe that October is a week away, and with the 1st day of October comes my transfer!!! How scary!!! I hate the fact that we will not know how our three little embies thawed until the day of....as if I have that kind of patience, well I guess infertility has given me plenty of that:) I go to the Dr tomorrow to see how my lining is looking... hopefully it is nice and thick so that my embies have a comfy place to stay for 9 months;)
